Today morning I was sitting idle and void in mind. Then after some time, I have started thinking of reality around me. I was thinking of the linked list of objects around me. It was me, my family and friends, my job, my hometown, and blah blah blah. I felt a little bit happy just for a while till the next list starts. After sometime it turned to be unsecure because the list started with the objects that I am yet to acquire. It continued as my dream car, my dream job, my dream family, my dream salary, my dream home, my dream living town, my dream gadgets, my dream future, all happy faces like in heaven. The total room was filled with vague feel. I felt like being a deaf and dumb for sometime till my mobile rings.
The call was from my bank where I have placed an order to buy some shares from a small cap industry in NSE yesterday. The lady on the call told me that the order will be cancelled since I have quoted a very low limit on the bid. I quickly opened my laptop and checked my demat account but before that the bid expired. Shit! I opened the site of a popular news channel. I can only see half naked photos of hollywood actresses and some glamour stills of Indian models in their front page which is given more preference than other news. Then opened my mail and there was some offer mails from e-commerce sites and credit card offers from my banks. Deleted all those mails including some spams. Closed the laptop in despise.
Later I switched on the television, there was a news on upcoming presidential election. India is on a economy crisis, a record time downfall of Indian rupee against American dollar. The government was sleeping from taking corrective measure at right time. They were busy in coming out of dirts from a bunch of scams. As of now, there is no scams atleast for a while. After leaving the right time to act upon it, they increased the petrol price to record high value. This is the achievement by the current FM and now he is going to be promoted to be the highest grade official of India. Yes, for the president post. What is the eligibility for the top post? Who should be honored? I don’t know. Nobody knows. I changed the channel, there was a dance show where some pairs were dancing and the judges gave away a huge applause to every pair and rated every team as 9 out of 10. I moved to next channel, there was a nice duet of my favorite actor. In the bottom of that channel they were showing sms texts from people. I don’t know how, all the texts in it had “i love you” or a girl name. Boys doesn’t have any other work it seems. And the tv channels will charge atleast 3 rs/sms. I don’t know whether those sms are real or they fake some texts to invite people to fell in their trap. In the next channel, I can see the same lady still selling an age-old fitness product for the past 6-7 years and then an astrologer in the next channel. Bull shit! Switched off the TV.
I was thinking of doing something useful but nothing struck mind. I saw yesterday’s news paper at the corner of the bed. I rolled on the bed towards it and opened the front page. There was an advertisement in the front page for a pent house avenue in sea shore and each house is price tagged at 1.49 Crore only. It made me a little bit tensed actually. I felt like tearing the paper and threw it into dust bin. If I work even for next 15 years in the software industry, I can’t buy it for sure. But still that is there in my dream list. Just left the paper there itself.
It was almost 10-11 AM. I just lied on the bed again and was looking at the ceiling fan without anything in mind. This time again I have started thinking of my dream list purposefully. What is the underlying linkage between all of them? Its my dream. It will be a dream till I only dream about it. I can understand it very well. But still why I am unable to achieve it? What is the barrier? Who blocks it from me? Atlast the answer is ME and ME alone. Nobody else.
What can make me perfect to do it? It is my interest towards it. I have so much of interest in achieving all of my dreams. And I am working towards it as I hope but I don’t know whether I am moving on the right path. What is the solution then? Do you think life runs on trail and error method? Can we run the whole life like that? Definitely I can’t. I should take some decisive action at the right time and also my interest should be over there.
Some people may think that I am stupid. But I can’t do anything for that. Somebody may ask me whether I am not satisfied with what I have or not. Unfortunately there is no answer for that from me other than my blinking eyes. The time reached almost 12PM. Still I didn’t getup from bed. Something sparked on my mind. I found the linkage between all the activities that I have done today. Can you get it now? Yes. It is money, money and money. But it is not everything. I know that. Money can make most of the things work. It will not give me a real life that I am longing for. Money can make all the objects around me happy but to make me also happy, I need something else. Still I am searching for it and spent almost 12 hours after that. Its 1:20AM but still I couldn’t figure it out. I am thinking whether I am on the right path or not. Still my friend is checking his office mails in laptop besides me!
Life is a two player zero sum game between me and me!